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See, it all started with this boy. Well, not so much a boy as a man. A young man with bright green guileless eyes and long blond locks and a body stolen from a god.

Yes, I know how it sounds. You’re thinking I must not have been thinking with my head—and you’d be right. He was just so…

And he moved in ways that…

And his voice…

His tongue…

I have no words to describe him, not in a way that might even draw near to capturing what he was truly like.

His name was Karl. Just Karl. I admit I never asked for more. His attention was enough, for look at me. Really—look at me!

Pushing forty, hair beginning to go grey and this damn ring around my stomach I can’t seem to be rid of no matter how much muscle I pack on underneath. Attracting Karl wasn’t a breath of fresh air; he was a neat glass of fine whiskey, fire through my veins. I didn’t want to turn him down, didn’t think there was any reason not take him up on what he offered. Didn’t think much at all, truthfully, not during all the things we did to one another.

Oh, I knew it wouldn’t last. Didn’t care about that either.

I know. That wasn’t your question. You want to know about this thing inside of me. I’m getting to that.

See, unbeknownst to me, Karl already belonged to someone. And I mean that in the worst way possible. He had a man—if you can call him that—who enjoyed sending Karl out to seduce and take advantage of men like me.

What do I mean? I guess those of us without life partners who’d love a young, firm ass to sink into.

You asked. Now stop interrupting.

I found out when Karl became strange one evening, acting quieter and less himself, or at least less like the person he’d led me to believe he was. And then it happened—my living room just up and dropped away into this swirling maw and this thing—halfman-half the devil himself—climbed up. His wings so large the tips curled against the walls and his tail like a whip—no, a three-chained morning star, snapping out and leaving gashes through my TV—the bastard.

Karl wasn’t surprised at all. He knelt like some offering and didn’t say a word when that creature cracked its tail about his middle, those heavy, sharp ends clocking against Karl’s skin, but in this pseudo-gentle fashion.

So there I was, attempting to explain to a beast who’d clawed his way through my new carpet how I hadn’t realized Karl was involved with anyone else. Eh, it was a lost fight before I’d even begun, but I can’t say I didn’t try.

Switched it up when I saw the look Karl shot me under his lashes. Snot didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed, a sly smile on his damn face. So I started bragging about how many loads I’d dumped in his ass, how I’d choked his throat from the inside, slapped my dick across his face and gotten jizz in his eyes.

In retrospect it probably would have been smarter to keep my mouth shut, but I’d been irate at the time. Maybe then they’d have just taken my money and car and let me be. Instead, Karl suggested I get something extra. Said I’d been a little too randy for my own good, the fiend. Completely backwards if you ask me, since he had the drive of a teen still and I can’t get it up nearly that many times an hour.

So that devil of a boyfriend of his cursed me. I get to carry a dildo around permanently now.

Oh, not literally. Literally, he cursed me so I can never get a man off with my penis again. His exact words were, “You enjoy it so much, but now no man can ever find satisfaction from your cock.”

Thing is, and I don’t actually think the dickwad was thinking it when he cursed me, but I’m a man. So…only way I can come is anally anymore—thank the fuck gods he didn’t say I can’t get satisfaction from another man’s dick.

But, yes, I was having trouble coming, so was getting creative with objects and that’s how this thing—

No, I didn’t make it up!

Just because you have other people who come in here all the time lying their asses off doesn’t mean I’m one of them. It’s a curse. And when Karl gets dropped by that devil boyfriend of his I plan on tying his hands and fucking him solely with my cock. See how he likes it when he can’t come for hours. I know I’ll enjoy every second, orgasm or no.

Damn it. Who am I kidding? He probably will too.


I go on reddit now and then. Specifically the ask-reddit sub. (Don’t do it, it’s a trap!) And every other week there’s some form of question asking what’s the worst, what’s the strangest, what’s the weirdest, coolest, saddest, etc, thing that a doctor, paramedic, nurse, cop, etc, has had to deal with. One of the situations that repeatedly comes up in these threads is nurses having to deal with people coming in with *cough* things stuck in their *cough* anus. Generally things that probably shouldn’t have been used.

So I just ran with it.

Hope it gave you a smile :)