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This is probably one of those dumb questions, the kind where everyone already knows the answer. Because, really, who would say no to living in a flipping, bloody castle, right?

Not me :)

However, I have stipulations.

I’m not sure I actually want to clean said castle. I’ll do my bedroom and bathroom and the kitchen, but when you start going beyond that it’s probably entering ridiculous levels. If this fictional castle had a cleaning crew, a gardener (groundskeeper?), and someone else to do all the upkeep, I’m totally game.

I’m also not in the good fortune of being able to pay for said castle. Not even if every relative I knew all died tomorrow and left me every cent they owned, I still wouldn’t be able to pay for a castle. So I’ll need one of those distant, random beneficiaries, the kind who bless you with some amazing inheritance and the castle just comes along for the ride.

I’d also like this castle to exist in a nice part of the world. Weather-wise, I’m talking. Warm, maybe seasons, but, hey, I’m flexible. I just don’t want to live in a drafty, stone monstrosity in the freezing cold, with snow piled up around its base nine tenths of the year.

The castle also must have a library. Otherwise there’s no point living there ;)