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Emmi Lawrence

~ MM Fantasy Romance Writer

Emmi  Lawrence

Tag Archives: prose

Canvas Blues – XII: Yesteryears

15 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Contemporary, Fantasy, M/M, Serial

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adventure fantasy, Fantasy, fantasy romance, Fiction, Flash, gay romance, LGBT, long-reads, Love, M/M, microfiction, Mystery, Novel, prose, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

XII: Yesteryears

For Casey’s tenth birthday, October 17th, a day that could be as cold as ice or hot as hell and rather never wavered in between for some reason, his parents threw him a little party out in their backyard. Course it was cold, jeans and long sleeves and snug jackets as they played in rainbow leaves and threw spiky gumballs at one another in an estimation of a fair fight.

Crickets the size of their fingers leapt ten feet, escaping eager little boy hands. Robbie had the best luck, repurposing a plastic party cup into a temporary terrarium. They beat to death a piñata and ate themselves sick with candy and ice cream cake. Casey invented racing games and used birthday boy powers to enforce his rules while his father laughed on and Becks reluctantly took photos for the family at their mother’s request.

“Do I have to? Casey’s such a turd.”

“Don’t say that about your brother.”

“She’s a bigger turd! Elephant sized!”

“Casey!”

They roughed each other up on the trampoline and wound arms about each other and gave cheeses and bunny ears when Becks came around with the camera. The smell of rubber, the smoke from the fire pit, the wafting of pepperoni all under the undressing trees, leaves fluttering in the gentle breeze to come and land on their shoes and socks.

Casey’s mom emailed those photos a few weeks later.

Presents consisted of video games and gift cards and tickets to a big drag race up the road (from Casey’s father of course). Brendon didn’t remember what he’d picked out from the store, but he remembered the painting he’d used as his card. A raptor, purplish-gray with orange and green feathers and talons bronze and eyes of coal. On the back he’d painted, To Casey, Happy Birthday (the ‘Y’ was squished in to fit) and From Brendon, Your Best Friend. Because best friends were different than normal friends and there was a need to distinguish them.

 The next time he went over to Casey’s house, he noticed a new photo propped on the white shelves in the kitchen. Robbie, Casey and Brendon with arms wrapped about one another and gap-toothed, real smiles on their faces. Behind the new frame sat the small painted raptor canvas, those coal eyes looking out over their heads.

~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter!

Coffee & Conversation: What are your most used phrases?

13 Monday Apr 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Coffee & Conversation

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answer, FAQ, habits, prose, question, reading, Writing, writing mistakes, writing quirks

Oh, the dreaded repetition, always showing up, rearing its head as part of an unconscious bias as your fingers type across the page. Characters raising their brows or cocking their heads and everly speaking in dry manners. Characters turn and turn again, they sneak quick glances or stare unashamedly and hold each other’s gazes as if in a staring contest.

A lot of these phrases are used by millions of authors and I’m sure non-English speaking writers have their own bevy of phrases that crop in every tale known to man.

Some authors have their own specific words they seem to have fallen in love with. For instance, I once read a series where every male character would stalk across the room and pop their jaw (ouch?). Read another where every person was described as ingenious. Great word, ingenious, but its likely not every character meets its requirements.

Sometimes, a group of writers all joined by a social circle will use certain words or phrases in their books (the schlep phenomenon comes to mind).

As for me? I have my own specific quirks, notwithstanding the above mentioned plethora of head-cocking and dry-speaking. But here’s the rub…it’s incredibly hard to pinpoint your own overused phrases. There might very well be a million of them, yet unless the phrases are long enough and specific enough, it won’t stick out in my mind.

Here’s a paraphrase of one I’ve used a few times: “They do X, Y, Z, but he didn’t even know who ‘they’ were.” I’ve stumbled across myself using that one in both novels and short stories many times. Sometimes I catch it and edit the comments into something different. Sometimes I don’t catch it at all.

Another I use is a nostalgic beginning. I lean into a certain way of starting some stories: “Once he’d been…” or “There’d been a time…” or “Before he’d never…” and “Now he wasn’t so sure…” These types of phrasing all lend themselves to evoking a sense of loss or a sense of time passing, essentially that nostalgia I mentioned. It’s a hard habit to break because oftentimes I really like the feeling it calls and I’m not so sure what other powerful emotion I could replace it with.

I’m sure there’s many other examples. And I’m just as sure if you’re a reader you’ve caught plenty of these kinds of phrases from your favorite authors, just as I have. Habits are hard things to break though, especially when it all reads perfectly fine to you.

~Emmi

Canvas Blues – XI: Present

08 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Contemporary, Fantasy, M/M, Serial

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adventure fantasy, Fantasy, fantasy romance, Fiction, gay romance, LGBT, Love, M/M, Mystery, Novel, prose, Publication, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

XI: Present

Brendon skipped past the absurd and went straight to what truly mattered. “Which painting?”

Mr. Livesey smiled, but it was a faint, painted-on thing without much merit. Brendon got the impression he was meant to appreciate Livesey’s attempt rather than the result.

“I believe you titled it ‘Interstellar Hopscotch,’ though your client called it his ‘Space Walk Perspective.’”

A pause. The metal of the table digging into Brendon’s forearms. The finches in the nearby street hopping under the neat row of parked cars. A distant hum of a lawn mower from the neighborhood beyond the courthouse.

Brendon took a breath. Then another. “David Erikson. He wanted to feel what the astronauts felt.”

“And he did. Quite viscerally.”

“How did he die?”

“The cause of death, at least listed on his certificate, was asphyxiation. In reality, the air in his lungs expanded. Then burst. The comment from the officer in charge of the scene said it looked as if he’d hopped a rocket and taken a trip in orbit.”

Brendon licked dry lips. “That’s impossible. What you’re proposing is beyond impossible.”

“And yet, Mr. Erikson isn’t the only person to have succumbed to Interstellar Hopscotch. A young man, low twenties, still in school, died only a few days later. Different room in the house, same strange effect on his body. He’d been helping to begin the clean-up of the estate and taken a few pictures down. He’d been packaging and labeling them according to Mr. Erikson’s will.”

When Brendon couldn’t find any words, Mr. Livesey continued, “You don’t seem surprised. Shocked, yes. Surprised, no. You knew this was possible.” His voice had become clipped, an angry well barely disguised.

“It never occurred to me,” corrected Brendon. “But… There’d been a picture before.”

“Tell me.” And it was not a request.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter!

Coffee & Conversation: What was your biggest “Ah-ha!” moment?

06 Monday Apr 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Coffee & Conversation

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answers, audience, FAQ, hooking, learning, prose, questions, readers, reading, Writing

I’m going to think about this question as pertaining to my writing journey because I think we all have plenty of Ah-ha! moments in our lives that it would be difficult to talk about just one in particular as being the biggest.

When I first sat down to get serious about my writing, I made all the mistakes every newbie makes: no understanding of point-of-view, lack of consistency in tense, white-walling, stilted dialogue, as-you-know situations, purposeless prose, rambling scenes, tangents galore, zero conflict/tension, inability to differentiate character voices, etc., etc.,

Some of these mistakes are naturally solved merely by the writing of the stories. For instance, you cringe when you read your dialogue out loud, you can’t imagine the world when reading back the scene, your head-hopping becomes confusing even to yourself. However, one problem in particular kept eluding me because I couldn’t understand it: Hooking.

A hook, like in fishing, is that barbed piece that claws into the reader and doesn’t let go. It makes sure the reader turns the page, scrolls down, doesn’t get distracted. And for a long time I thought ‘hook’ was synonymous with ‘interesting.’

You might be thinking, “but shouldn’t a hook be interesting? Wouldn’t I want the story I’m about to read be interesting? Why wouldn’t I keep reading if the story isn’t interesting?” And those are all the questions that I harbored that made me continue to not comprehend hooking for an obscene amount of time. Continue reading →

Canvas Blues – X: Yesteryears

01 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Contemporary, Fantasy, M/M, Serial

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adventure fantasy, Fantasy, fantasy romance, Fiction, gay romance, LGBT, long-reads, Love, M/M, Mystery, Novel, prose, Publication, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

X: Yesteryears

The Frey family moved in the subsequent autumn. The desks disappeared, the footpath received a layer of sod and a fence rocked the world of every youngster who had ever taken that short cut through to the park. A new path formed within the forest within the first months of next spring and the kickball pickup games moved to the cul-de-sac two streets over.

But it was before that when Brendon first met Robbie.

Down at the docks, where a cheap restaurant smelled of blue crab and old bay and the brine made the air taste salty, Brendon would take a stub of a pencil and work on adding depth and light to waves with only black and white. Both parents worked now and Casey played recs soccer near all year round so there were days of solitude filled with nothing but the lapping of waves, tinging of the metal flagpoles and the scratching of his pencil.

“What are you doing?”

Brendon looked up into pale brown eyes and a paler face. The expression there he attributed to confidence, though he would later come to realize was merely competence and bravery mixing in a pleasant, but not outstanding, way.

“Drawing.”

The other boy sat down beside him and propped his chin in his hand. “I’ve seen you before. You drew that picture of the school that won the yearbook award last year. The one hanging in the display case.”

“That’s me,” mumbled Brendon, and he bent harder over his sketchbook.

“You’re an artist.”

“I want to be.”

“Nah. You are. Mom says you are what you are, you are what you do. You draw, so you’re an artist.”

Brendon paused and gave the boy a considering look. “My mom says I could be an artist one day.”

The boy smiled. “Do you draw comic book heroes?”

He didn’t. He shrugged.

“I’d love to see them if you do.”

And so Brendon went home, mind ablaze with the word artist, and set to work on using his newfound facial nuance behind masks of spandex.

~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter!

Coffee & Conversation: What scared you as a child?

30 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Coffee & Conversation

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answers, anxieties, FAQ, fears, prose, public speaking, reading, Writing

I had two fears as a child, that spawned into three, that eventually morphed into four during high school and then decreased to three again as an adult.

The first fear is spiders. (I’ve just given you power over me, please use it wisely, I beg of you.) This is one of the most popular fears in existence (as if we’re scrambling for it), so I’m sure this one comes as no surprise.

I have no fear over other insects, nor do I have problems with daddy-long-legs or anything crab-related. It’s just spiders. They freaking fly, guys, fly and float and…I need to stop.

The second fear came during my first few years of elementary school: the fear of dark bathrooms. This does not include bathrooms in general. This does not include the dark in general. This doesn’t refer to bathrooms with the lights out and sun shining in through the windows. It’s strictly: dark bathrooms.

Why? you ask. Because Bloody Mary. Kids at school would not stop talking about it, would tell stories about summoning her at night, and gave me nightmares that still sit in my subconscious even after all this time. Continue reading →

Canvas Blues – IX: Yesteryears

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Contemporary, Fantasy, M/M, Serial

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adventure fantasy, Fantasy, fantasy romance, Fiction, gay romance, LGBT, long-reads, Love, M/M, Mystery, Novel, prose, Publication, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

IX: Yesteryears

The house Robbie moved into had a yard the size of a baseball field. While that yard had stood empty, but for an occasional mowing by the realtors, neighborhood kids played pickup games or used the space as a shortcut to access the playground. A path, trudged out by hundreds of small sneakers with light-up heels and swishes and Velcro, grew harder packed and dirt heavy, grass trampled until blades dared not poke free their heads.

Middle schoolers claimed the bulk of the yard, right where the trees began to dot, but before the forest took over. They used a towering oak as first base, those at the plate using one hand to press against the bark, the other tossing acorns at the pitcher. Second base was an old stump, forcibly used as a table, muffin and gummy snack packages wedged between the splintering wood. Third base sat almost outside the foliage-heavy property line; a pair of old desks, one right-handed, one left. The left-handed one was third base since it sat closer in, where the other had branches that hung low, low enough to scrape the head of anyone who sat inside it.

Brendon thought the desks were only used as third base, up until one summer afternoon sent long shadows across the path. Casey had been left back somewhere at the playground, no curfew for dinner calling him home.

The girl made strange sounds. The boy stranger still. Heavy breathing, slight creaking of the rusted metal, leaves shivering, yet not masking a squelching sound.

Brendon held his breath. Held it tight in his chest, lungs closing around the air, refusing to let it rush free.

He drew what he’d seen later. A girl with her head thrown back, short orange-blonde hair hanging so her ear was visible. Boy with his face hidden, but his hand up grasping her shoulder, his dark head bobbing. Under the back of the desks there were slits where bundles of clothing piled, the boy’s jeaned knee making the right-handed desk rock and creak in unharmonious time.

For some reason, Brendon hid the drawing from his parents and showed it to Casey first, along with the tale of what he’d seen. Casey listened wide-eyed and rapt, his tongue still. Then he traced a finger over where the boy’s knee had pressed, then up to the girl’s unflattering neckline because Brendon had yet to understand shading well enough to make two-dimensions appear as three. That didn’t seem to matter to Casey.

“She’s got a mad face.”

“That’s not a mad face. That’s a…focused face.” Like when girls at school bent over projects.

Casey shook his head. “Mad.”

“I drew it,” snapped Brendon, tugging at the paper. “She’s not mad. She wasn’t mad. I watched.”

Casey grabbed the edge of the paper and jabbed a finger at her face. “She looks mad.”

“You’re a horrible drawer. How would you know?” And Brendon yanked. The paper tore at the side where Casey held it, cutting through the desk and the girl, but leaving the boy whole, though his face remained invisible, turned away, his expression unable to reveal his own secrets.

“That was your fault.” Casey crinkled the paper and threw it at Brendon, but it just fluttered in the other direction.

After Casey left, Brendon quietly threw the paper away and pulled out a stub of a pencil to practice faces. He drew the girl’s face over and over, until she showed up in his dreams, her expression morphing from mad to focused, to sorrowful to giddy, her eyes the catalyst for his learning of nuance.

What he didn’t learn that day, what took him much, much longer to learn, was why Casey had been so insistent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter!

Coffee & Conversation: Do you watch any sports, and if so do you have any special game day rituals?

23 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Coffee & Conversation

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answer, fantasy teams, FAQ, gaming, prose, sports, survivor, survivor40, winners at war, Writing

There are a great many people who won’t agree with me on this one, but honestly, I don’t see how it’s any different. My “sport” is Survivor. It’s a game. People are eliminated. There are competitions between players. You can have your fantasy teams. And at the end of the season a winner takes all.

No one who watches sports actively do anything other than eat snacks and drink beer on game days, so it’s not as if the “sport” part of the equation means anything to those of us who aren’t participating. And if we are counting the amount of work contestants/players go through, they certainly go through a large amount of body-wreckage like your average sports player, including contracting infectious diseases that often-times wreck havoc on their bodies for years and years to come.

As for the game day rituals, yes! I’ve managed to coerce my family into liking Survivor (mhahaha) and we play a season-long game based on our guesses as to who is going home.

After episode one, we all choose one person as our winner pick who, if we managed to get it right, will be worth a massive amount of points.

Before every episode after the first, we each write down the boot order, from who we think is least likely to go home to who we think is most likely to go home. These are listed by order number. Then, at the end of the episode we circle the eliminated player on each person’s list and whatever placement that player was at is how many points we each get. Continue reading →

Canvas Blues – VIII: Present

18 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Contemporary, Fantasy, M/M, Serial

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adventure fantasy, Fantasy, fantasy romance, Fiction, gay romance, LGBT, long-reads, Love, M/M, Mystery, Novel, prose, Publication, Romance, Short Fiction, Writing

CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

VIII: Present

Mr. Livesey and Brendon lunched at a quiet outdoor table at La Vie Simple, a café that specialized in nothing, yet did it all quite well. That was how Brendon had described the restaurant and it had been between the café or the pizza diner since the pub wasn’t open yet. They both ordered a beer—a stout for Mr. Livesey and a pale ale for Brendon who then took his time peeling at the condensation-wet label as small talk frittered away into comfortable silence for a gentle while.

“How long have you been working?” asked Mr. Livesey. He sat back in his chair, one hand resting on the wrought iron table.

“In the studio? About six years.”

“And before that? Do any freelance work then?”

Brendon smiled briefly. “That’s the way of it, isn’t it? Yes. Used to sell sketches for a quarter back in middle school. Mostly anime girls, sometimes boys. Then it switched to pets after a friend’s dog died and I gave her a canvas with a little painting of it.” He paused. “Did a lot of cars too.”

“And after school?” prompted Mr. Livesey.

Brendon sat back with a sigh. “A few vendor fairs, here and there. Had a stall up in a quiet downtown street a few towns over three days a week. Had a second evening job that kept me going.”

“But not anymore.” Again, with those not-a-question statements Brendon wasn’t sure how to answer.

They remained quiet for a time, the gentle purring of slow-moving cars on this mellow day mostly drowning out the clinking of plates inside the café. Brendon cleared his throat and left off picking at the label, now a pile of discarded paper threatening to blow away in the light breeze.

“My painting—”

“Yes, your painting. There’s no need for refunds. My client isn’t looking for monetary compensation and she wasn’t close enough to this victim to warrant a need for revenge,” said Mr. Livesey fluidly, becoming even more businesslike and forthcoming. “Rather, Ms. Arpsol is concerned that she has no way of dismantling this threat appropriately.”

Brendon mouthed the words “victim” and “threat,” testing them out, knowing his shock must have been etched into his face as if he’d painted it there. “It’s a painting.”

Mr. Livesey cocked his head. “So it is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter!

Coffee & Conversation: How has the coronavirus affected you?

17 Tuesday Mar 2020

Posted by Emmi Lawrence in Coffee & Conversation

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answer, coronavirus, FAQ, pandemic, prose, question, reading, Writing

Literally everywhere I look, this is the only topic of conversation. I’d originally been going to answer a completely different question this week, but I decided to sideline that one until next week because of the last few days.

On Thursday last, I received an automated call from the county that all schools would be closed Mar 16 for at least two weeks (which is why this is coming out today and not yesterday–kids say hi though). In the 24-48 hours after, multiple messages went out postponing, then cancelling an all-day kid’s sporting event that had been scheduled this weekend, possibly cancelling the entire season, library closure noted (so much for working by myself), dentist closed up (was supposed to go in today and was hoping to get my popping jaw looked at), and restaurants have been effectively boarded up until further notice (this one doesn’t truly affect me, but I’m feeling for all of the owners who were struggling to stay afloat month after month).

Toilet paper is completely gone at the stores, as is bread and milk, paper towels, disinfectant, etc. The pandemic has people walking around wearing masks and gloves (that they take off to operate touch-screens and then put back on–I guess to cultivate the bacteria) and the grand total of cases of corona for an hour’s drive all around me is…nil.

Which means this is probably only the beginning of the hysteria.

The news is one-dimensional. My twitter feeds are jacked too, which I expected because twitter is a toxic hell-plane, but I’d have thought that people might occasionally have something to say that doesn’t include the words “corona” or “pandemic” or “toilet paper.” Memes are out of control. Everyone is referring to “quarantine reading” as if it’s somehow different than regular reading.

And here I am being hypocritical and talking about it too.

Honestly, the hysteria is the worst. I’m glad that steps are being taken; not so glad that people are suddenly becoming the worst germaphobes on the planet. I’ve seen people crap on others because they’re not “obeying the six-foot social distancing radius.” I’ve seen so many freaking rules on how to wash one’s hands that I’m starting to feel as if I’m in preschool again. I’ve seen nasty comment after nasty comment always about how others are being irresponsible (but never, ever the person being nasty).

I’ve had both my kids come home from school last week and talk about how they were bullied (they didn’t use this word, but that’s exactly what it was), because they had the gall to cough, or sneeze, or, in the case of one of them, throw up because he choked on a hard candy and his body needed to expel it. The fact that this hysteria had spread to our children to the point where my kids were upset that people were mocking them for “having corona” is despicable.

Is this a sickness that can kill the way the yearly flus can? Yes. Should we be careful? Yes. Should we fall into this mass hysteria because we love jumping on ridiculous band-wagons and lose what brain cells we possessed? No. Please, no.

The next few weeks are going to be tough whether you get the virus or not because the world is losing its freaking mind.

So, what I have to say to you is, good luck out there!

Figure out what you have to do to meet your responsibilities, to care for the people you need to care for, to get your work done, to feed your family, to protect yourself. And do it knowing that fear is the mind-killer. Don’t succumb. You are better than that.

Be kind, be brave, be awesome!

All my love,
~Emmi

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CANVAS BLUES
Vignettes Regarding the Artwork of Brendon Kotes

A serialized novel begun Jan 29th 2020. Here you can find links to the beginning and the most recent additions.

I: Prologue
II: Present
III: Yesteryears
IV: Yesteryears
V: Present

……….

L: Present
LI: Yesteryears
LII: Yesteryears
LIII: Present
LIV: Yesteryears

New chapters published every Wednesday!
Next up: Jul 7th 2021

FREE SHORT STORIES

THE BAYWATER & THE HURRICANE
(fantasy M/M)

WHAT SECRETS MIGHT REMAIN
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TALL, DARK & HANDSOME
(contemporary M/M)

THE IMMORTAL LOVER OF LAKE PHANTA
(fantasy M/M)

ACROSS THAT OCEAN OF SAND
(fantasy M/M)

MY LIFE, HIS BREATH
(contemporary M/M)

POET’S BANE
(fantasy M/M)

What’s Up!

  • Canvas Blues – XCV: Present
  • Canvas Blues – XCIV: Present
  • Coffee & Conversation: How to keep your plots/stories from being repetitive?
  • Canvas Blues – XCIII: Yesteryears
  • Coffee & Conversation: How to critique someone else’s work?
  • Canvas Blues – XCII: Present

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